Gloucester, Virginia
Hello, my name is Jennifer. I was 21 years old when I got pregnant. I was married with two step children. We couldn't have been more excited when we found out we were going to be having a baby. The pregnancy for the most part was easy. I barely remember morning sickness, no huge weight gain, at around eight and a half months I had some small issues with hypertension, but nothing huge.
The doctors decided to induce labor at 39 weeks just to make sure the hypertension didn't cause any problems. The rest of my care was a regular circus. Really more issues than anyone would ever care to hear about. The short version is that after 4 days of labor, with no food, and a staff of people that thought I was exaggerating, a trip home and a high speed return to the hospital; the doctors finally rushed me in for an emergency c-section. Bryce was born on August 16, 2002 at 11:57 pm. Little did I know my life was about to change in more ways than just being a new mom. It was the next morning when the doctors came in with those horrible looks on their faces. They said they thought it was a possibility that he had DS.
They were very unsure of their need to test but we all agreed that it was better to be safe. Most of the concern was with his tone but as the doctors stated the sedatives they gave me because they thought I was faking labor could have caused that reaction in him (like I said very bad experience). Two weeks later we got that call. You know in all honesty I don't even remember the percentage, it was never important. The more important thing to me was always that the same day we found out that he had a heart defect. We were sent for an echo even though they did not hear any murmurs but they wanted to be safe. There it was, as plain as day. Even I could see it. We were told that he was not in trouble yet but we had to be careful that he could go into heart failure at anytime.
I feel horrible for admitting it now but I definitely went through a period of loss. It was almost like I felt that the child I had prepared for during my whole pregnancy had died. The life that I had dreamed up would never be.
Then one day when he was only about 3 weeks old I fell asleep in a chair with him in my arms and woke up with him twirling my hair between his fingers (just like I do when I am thinking really hard). Just like that the pitty party was over, at least for me it was.
His father was a much different story. I'm not sure which part was the part that scared him most but all I knew was that I could see him moving farther and farther away.
Six weeks before Bryce had his surgery his father and I separated. It was not pretty. He did show up for the surgery, that I was truly shocked about.
He wouldn't spend time alone with him though. Bryce was 11 months old the day of his surgery (almost to the day). I have to admit it was so hard seeing the one person I am suppose to protect lying there knowing there was nothing I could do to make it better.
Bryce had one of the most amazing recoveries I have ever even heard of.
Doctors wanted to discharge him less than 24 hours after his surgery. I was so amazed by the strength that someone who seemed so small and frail could have. The day we left the hospital we started a new life. I no longer had to live in fear of him getting sick. I finally got a whole nights sleep, and we started over.
Luckily my family has been the most supportive and loving influence. My father is one of his best friends.
So fast forward. He is now 5 years old, in school, doing wonderfully. His father still is not in our lives ( he has only seen him once in the four years since his surgery). Sometimes I think it might be better that way. He will never be strong enough to be the kind of dad that Bryce deserves. I am now a full time student and work part time. It finally feels like we are where we are suppose to be. Bryce is the most amazing thing that could have ever happened to me. I consider myself so blessed everyday that I get to be his mom. As with every child he is my largest source of frustration and pride all tired up in one package and I wouldn't have him any other way.
To those of you who are just starting this voyage: hold on tight there will be moments when you just want to give up, but just know that you will make it through. We are all so lucky to have these beautiful children. Even when it is tough it is the most rewarding job you will ever have.
They were very unsure of their need to test but we all agreed that it was better to be safe. Most of the concern was with his tone but as the doctors stated the sedatives they gave me because they thought I was faking labor could have caused that reaction in him (like I said very bad experience). Two weeks later we got that call. You know in all honesty I don't even remember the percentage, it was never important. The more important thing to me was always that the same day we found out that he had a heart defect. We were sent for an echo even though they did not hear any murmurs but they wanted to be safe. There it was, as plain as day. Even I could see it. We were told that he was not in trouble yet but we had to be careful that he could go into heart failure at anytime.
I feel horrible for admitting it now but I definitely went through a period of loss. It was almost like I felt that the child I had prepared for during my whole pregnancy had died. The life that I had dreamed up would never be.
Then one day when he was only about 3 weeks old I fell asleep in a chair with him in my arms and woke up with him twirling my hair between his fingers (just like I do when I am thinking really hard). Just like that the pitty party was over, at least for me it was.
His father was a much different story. I'm not sure which part was the part that scared him most but all I knew was that I could see him moving farther and farther away.
Six weeks before Bryce had his surgery his father and I separated. It was not pretty. He did show up for the surgery, that I was truly shocked about.
He wouldn't spend time alone with him though. Bryce was 11 months old the day of his surgery (almost to the day). I have to admit it was so hard seeing the one person I am suppose to protect lying there knowing there was nothing I could do to make it better.
Bryce had one of the most amazing recoveries I have ever even heard of.
Doctors wanted to discharge him less than 24 hours after his surgery. I was so amazed by the strength that someone who seemed so small and frail could have. The day we left the hospital we started a new life. I no longer had to live in fear of him getting sick. I finally got a whole nights sleep, and we started over.
Luckily my family has been the most supportive and loving influence. My father is one of his best friends.
So fast forward. He is now 5 years old, in school, doing wonderfully. His father still is not in our lives ( he has only seen him once in the four years since his surgery). Sometimes I think it might be better that way. He will never be strong enough to be the kind of dad that Bryce deserves. I am now a full time student and work part time. It finally feels like we are where we are suppose to be. Bryce is the most amazing thing that could have ever happened to me. I consider myself so blessed everyday that I get to be his mom. As with every child he is my largest source of frustration and pride all tired up in one package and I wouldn't have him any other way.
To those of you who are just starting this voyage: hold on tight there will be moments when you just want to give up, but just know that you will make it through. We are all so lucky to have these beautiful children. Even when it is tough it is the most rewarding job you will ever have.
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